Thursday, June 16, 2011
This is the end
*sigh* I am sad to say my STer has ended this game. I really enjoyed playing Gabby and hope that one day my STer will resume the game.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I decide to self destruct.
So it's wed night and I was finishing up a paper for Chem class when my phone rang. Upon answering it I hear my 'father' inform me that I will be required to attend a dinner in the Charter Building's Ballroom and lateless is not acceptable...like it ever was with him. So I showered and yanked on my armor, changing it to jeans and a tank top, and pulled some heels on before going early to check it out. As I figured it was black tie so I changed the armor to a dress and went in. I could feel my nerves starting to get the better of me when I spotted my two favorite people in this world...Dr. Lord and Catherine were here. I walked over and told them about my phone call when I felt THAT presence behind me...he cleared his throat and I turned to see Alejandro.
I felt the terror grow in me and quickly beat it down and greeted my father. Father seemed to know of Dr. Lord but was not aware he was teaching and pulled me aside to discuss the evening. He informed me he was wanting to start his philanthropic career by donating to the school...which meant he would have some control here. I was to be his charming daughter for the evening. Then he started to grill me about Dr. Lord's activities in the amazon. I told him Dr. Lord does not discuss his personal activities with us and that if he did I would inform him.
When he left I leaned against the wall feeling completely drained until I felt a nudge. I looked down to see Ix Chel and rubbed her ears for a moment before she led me back to Dr. Lord and Catherine. I told them about the conversation and Dr. Lord told me a bit of what was going down between him and my father, though he only knew it was my father recently due to his business practices. He and Catherine shared a look and said they had a plan to keep my father out of here but I was vital to making it work. I agreed and they led me to meet the President of the University. He was a nice older man and agreed to introduce Dr. Lord and Catherine to the other people here as well as myself. We made our rounds and it seemed I managed to change people perceptions of me for the better. But it was a smallish dinner and soon enough we made our way to my father again. President Ronalds told him I left a great impression on everyone and I hated myself as I answered in that weak voice that being around my father elicits. Mr. Ronalds noticed and Catherine asked what my father thought of me to which he blurted out loudly "I couldn't care less if she lived or died; so long as she didn't leave anything for the press to latch onto." It was like a kick to the gut. I mean it is one thing to know the man you have known as your father cares nothing for you...but it's another to hear him say it. I felt tears welling in my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I would not cry for this man. Dr. Lord commented on knowing my home life had been bad but he'd have though he would kept it to private and then made an offhand comment about child labor. I knew this is where he needed me so I pulled a "Father is this true? I mean Brian said some of them looked young but..." and the crowd started talking even more. We had him. Mr. Ronalds dismissed my father and steered us to a more private place and told us it was a risky move we just played. Dr. Lord looked surprised but I had been getting an odd smell from him all night and seeing some weirdness so I asked who his divine parent was. Turns out President Ronalds is Chiron, son of Kronos.
Dr. Lord and Catherine led me out to a bench and we talked about what had happened. I got a flash of Mystery showing me Dr. Lord's previous girlfriends and what he went through with them and Catherine. I asked how he kept going...if it was just the threat of Mictlan that kept him going...and he said what I feared, an innate will to live. I told him I can't seem to grasp that. It feels like it is always just out of reach. I honestly think not a week goes by that I don't think of killing myself. Then they both had a Fate flash and a vague conversation of what they saw...and by vague I mean one word sentences. They saw something about me and it's big and can't tell me...gods I feel so useless sometimes. Dr. Lord and Ix Chel left when I mentioned seeing things I couldn't talk to him about and I told her about the recent one from the weekend. She said a threat does not mean action...like nukes are a threat to the world, but an inactive one. So it doesn't mean certain doom after our next meeting with Owen. She gave me a hug and left, telling me they loved and trusted me and I spent the night in the woods with Tepini and my blade trying desperately to feel something other than sadness and fear.
The next night I got a call from Brian bitching me out for what happened and had been happening. Apparently The Post and the Daily News had already run stories on what went down at the dinner and dad's lawyers were in fits over needing to go to court against Catherine. I was of course to blame for all of this. So to get him to shut up I told him since the Times had not picked it up I would go to them to try to set the right story (IE a lie to placate my father) and that's when my idea hit me in the face. He hung up after yet another vague threat and I immediately called Dr. Lord. I needed him to put me in contact with someone at the times...they were going to run a story but it wasn't going to be what my brother expected. I decided then and there to end this. I wanted to tell them what it was like growing up as the adopted daughter of Alejandro Velas. Not the divine part of course but the fact I was a pool boy's daughter, the years of neglect, the start of the alcohol, drugs, parties, sex...the abortion. All of it was going to come out. Dr. Lord told me he had independent confirmation I was not Alejandro's thanks to a stray hair and not only that he told me WE were blood related, not just divinely. He asked I send him a draft of what I intended to say and I did so while we talked. He said I didn't have to discuss anything that made me uncomfortable but I pointed out all of it was uncomfortable to talk about, hells to even think about BUT I needed to do it. Not just to cause headaches for Alejandro but for me. I NEEDED to do this. I could hear even through the phone that he was proud of me and that boosted my resolve and confidence. He said he'd have Catherine check out all the details to be sure we had solid proof of everything and then got another call...he added the caller to the conversation and it turned out to be Tez.
I have to say talking to him now gives me that rush of, this is my father, and also dread. I never know where I stand with him, and hate myself for caring what he thinks. He told me he has never been prouder of me and I could feel it through the phone. I hated the rush of warmth and happiness I felt at that. I still had not forgiven myself for what I did and here I was HAPPY that my father was pleased by it. He also was pleased with how Liam and I had worked out my rune. He admitted to trying to force a behavior but was pleased I managed to manipulate the system to work to my advantage. Tez let us know he approved of our interview plan but wanted Alan to hold off on the lawsuits...and no he would not tell us why before hanging up. After a second straight day I needed to go hide in the woods again and Alan asked me to not overdo it. I promised not to and to let Tepini out so at least someone sane was there. We said goodnight and I found myself having to force calling him Dr. Lord. We're related, I love him like he were a father and his fiancée a mother and calling him so formally in a private setting is just awkward.
So now I am going to self-destruct my private life and let the world know what happened...gods I hope I am strong enough to survive the fallout.
I felt the terror grow in me and quickly beat it down and greeted my father. Father seemed to know of Dr. Lord but was not aware he was teaching and pulled me aside to discuss the evening. He informed me he was wanting to start his philanthropic career by donating to the school...which meant he would have some control here. I was to be his charming daughter for the evening. Then he started to grill me about Dr. Lord's activities in the amazon. I told him Dr. Lord does not discuss his personal activities with us and that if he did I would inform him.
When he left I leaned against the wall feeling completely drained until I felt a nudge. I looked down to see Ix Chel and rubbed her ears for a moment before she led me back to Dr. Lord and Catherine. I told them about the conversation and Dr. Lord told me a bit of what was going down between him and my father, though he only knew it was my father recently due to his business practices. He and Catherine shared a look and said they had a plan to keep my father out of here but I was vital to making it work. I agreed and they led me to meet the President of the University. He was a nice older man and agreed to introduce Dr. Lord and Catherine to the other people here as well as myself. We made our rounds and it seemed I managed to change people perceptions of me for the better. But it was a smallish dinner and soon enough we made our way to my father again. President Ronalds told him I left a great impression on everyone and I hated myself as I answered in that weak voice that being around my father elicits. Mr. Ronalds noticed and Catherine asked what my father thought of me to which he blurted out loudly "I couldn't care less if she lived or died; so long as she didn't leave anything for the press to latch onto." It was like a kick to the gut. I mean it is one thing to know the man you have known as your father cares nothing for you...but it's another to hear him say it. I felt tears welling in my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I would not cry for this man. Dr. Lord commented on knowing my home life had been bad but he'd have though he would kept it to private and then made an offhand comment about child labor. I knew this is where he needed me so I pulled a "Father is this true? I mean Brian said some of them looked young but..." and the crowd started talking even more. We had him. Mr. Ronalds dismissed my father and steered us to a more private place and told us it was a risky move we just played. Dr. Lord looked surprised but I had been getting an odd smell from him all night and seeing some weirdness so I asked who his divine parent was. Turns out President Ronalds is Chiron, son of Kronos.
Dr. Lord and Catherine led me out to a bench and we talked about what had happened. I got a flash of Mystery showing me Dr. Lord's previous girlfriends and what he went through with them and Catherine. I asked how he kept going...if it was just the threat of Mictlan that kept him going...and he said what I feared, an innate will to live. I told him I can't seem to grasp that. It feels like it is always just out of reach. I honestly think not a week goes by that I don't think of killing myself. Then they both had a Fate flash and a vague conversation of what they saw...and by vague I mean one word sentences. They saw something about me and it's big and can't tell me...gods I feel so useless sometimes. Dr. Lord and Ix Chel left when I mentioned seeing things I couldn't talk to him about and I told her about the recent one from the weekend. She said a threat does not mean action...like nukes are a threat to the world, but an inactive one. So it doesn't mean certain doom after our next meeting with Owen. She gave me a hug and left, telling me they loved and trusted me and I spent the night in the woods with Tepini and my blade trying desperately to feel something other than sadness and fear.
The next night I got a call from Brian bitching me out for what happened and had been happening. Apparently The Post and the Daily News had already run stories on what went down at the dinner and dad's lawyers were in fits over needing to go to court against Catherine. I was of course to blame for all of this. So to get him to shut up I told him since the Times had not picked it up I would go to them to try to set the right story (IE a lie to placate my father) and that's when my idea hit me in the face. He hung up after yet another vague threat and I immediately called Dr. Lord. I needed him to put me in contact with someone at the times...they were going to run a story but it wasn't going to be what my brother expected. I decided then and there to end this. I wanted to tell them what it was like growing up as the adopted daughter of Alejandro Velas. Not the divine part of course but the fact I was a pool boy's daughter, the years of neglect, the start of the alcohol, drugs, parties, sex...the abortion. All of it was going to come out. Dr. Lord told me he had independent confirmation I was not Alejandro's thanks to a stray hair and not only that he told me WE were blood related, not just divinely. He asked I send him a draft of what I intended to say and I did so while we talked. He said I didn't have to discuss anything that made me uncomfortable but I pointed out all of it was uncomfortable to talk about, hells to even think about BUT I needed to do it. Not just to cause headaches for Alejandro but for me. I NEEDED to do this. I could hear even through the phone that he was proud of me and that boosted my resolve and confidence. He said he'd have Catherine check out all the details to be sure we had solid proof of everything and then got another call...he added the caller to the conversation and it turned out to be Tez.
I have to say talking to him now gives me that rush of, this is my father, and also dread. I never know where I stand with him, and hate myself for caring what he thinks. He told me he has never been prouder of me and I could feel it through the phone. I hated the rush of warmth and happiness I felt at that. I still had not forgiven myself for what I did and here I was HAPPY that my father was pleased by it. He also was pleased with how Liam and I had worked out my rune. He admitted to trying to force a behavior but was pleased I managed to manipulate the system to work to my advantage. Tez let us know he approved of our interview plan but wanted Alan to hold off on the lawsuits...and no he would not tell us why before hanging up. After a second straight day I needed to go hide in the woods again and Alan asked me to not overdo it. I promised not to and to let Tepini out so at least someone sane was there. We said goodnight and I found myself having to force calling him Dr. Lord. We're related, I love him like he were a father and his fiancée a mother and calling him so formally in a private setting is just awkward.
So now I am going to self-destruct my private life and let the world know what happened...gods I hope I am strong enough to survive the fallout.
Friday, March 18, 2011
More Lyrical shit...I'll explain why later
Hey you, look what you do to me
You bend and you bruise me
Why you try to control me?
But you don't know me
How come you just want to hurt me?
How come you just want to push me?
I can't ignore you anymore
Cause everywhere I turn you
You burn me, you break me
You always want to take me down with you
What do you want from me?
I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take
I'm never gonna be the same
I threw it all away
I don't want to be here fading
Just let go! (look what you do to me)
Let go! (look what you do to me)
Hey you, look what you do to me
You burnt and you scared me
With all that you tell me (but I don't listen!)
You love me, you hate me
You always want to take me down with you
What do you want from me?
I don't wanna be afraid I don't wanna run away
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take
I'm never gonna be the same
I threw it all away
I don't want to be here fading
Just let
You kept pushing me
You keep using me
You keep twisting me
You keep breaking me
You can't have me anymore [x3]
You can't have me, let go!
I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take
I'm never gonna be the same
I threw it all away
I don't want to be here fading
Just let go! Let go! Just let go!
I don't wanna be afraid
Let go! (I don't wanna run away!)
Just let go! Let go! Let go!
You bend and you bruise me
Why you try to control me?
But you don't know me
How come you just want to hurt me?
How come you just want to push me?
I can't ignore you anymore
Cause everywhere I turn you
You burn me, you break me
You always want to take me down with you
What do you want from me?
I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take
I'm never gonna be the same
I threw it all away
I don't want to be here fading
Just let go! (look what you do to me)
Let go! (look what you do to me)
Hey you, look what you do to me
You burnt and you scared me
With all that you tell me (but I don't listen!)
You love me, you hate me
You always want to take me down with you
What do you want from me?
I don't wanna be afraid I don't wanna run away
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take
I'm never gonna be the same
I threw it all away
I don't want to be here fading
Just let
You kept pushing me
You keep using me
You keep twisting me
You keep breaking me
You can't have me anymore [x3]
You can't have me, let go!
I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take
I'm never gonna be the same
I threw it all away
I don't want to be here fading
Just let go! Let go! Just let go!
I don't wanna be afraid
Let go! (I don't wanna run away!)
Just let go! Let go! Let go!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Family issues.
About mid week Dave and I were studying on the quad when Dr. Lord rode up on Ix Chel and said he wanted to speak with Dave and I. I got up on Ix Chel and Dave rode his bike as Dr. Lord took us to a clearing to meet Catherine. They had some gym mats laid out that got me immediately suspicious.
Catherine gave me one of her big hugs and eye'd Dave. He of course had forgotten who she was and I called him stubborn and hard headed to which he smacked my ass and Catherine did not look happy about that. Dr. Lord invited Dave to spar and handed me his pint cup. He seemed so confidant and I didn't understand that. I mean Dr. Lord is a demigod...he could kick ALL our bands asses at once I'm sure. Watching you could see Dr. Lord toying with him and when he got Dave in a lock I heard him tell Dave I was much more fragile than he knew and I felt myself bristle at that. FRAGILE!? I mean yeah I had been through a tremendous amount of stress and emotional trauma but hey I was still here right? But then Catherine touched my shoulder and I felt the anger recede and be replaced by calm...I both hate and love when she does that...damn her. The boys continued and Catherine assured me that none of this makes me weak. I think that they are worried Dave and I are not right for each other and that one or both of us will be hurt when it ends. I don't think like that though. It seems too much like a self fulfilling prophecy. Think too much about it and you WILL ruin what future you may have had. When they finished Dr. Lord and Catherine took us back to the cabin for dinner and we had a more normal conversation.
A few days after that Liam came into the common room and tossed some papers on the table. When I glanced at them I saw they were NYU brochures. I sighed and saw where this was going so I started by apologizing for what happened at the factory. Dave seemed to be able to brush it off as nothing and that disturbed me. I murdered that girl and here he was treating it like I killed her in the heat of battle. Fletch and Liam argued over whether or not what I did was right and I knew that fight could go on for a long time and it was getting to me so I patiently sat there and got a blade out to cut a little at my arms...well apparently Liam saw it cause he yanked it out of my hand. The fight continued and I started to realize a big part of our problem was we had no clear leader. We all had our own ideas and emotions guiding us but no one to step in and say ENOUGH. Liam brought up how Dave acted then and Dave apologized but I don't think Liam sees it as sincere enough. And Fletch promised to TRY to avoid killing when not necessary. Right about then there was a rainbow flash and we were whisked away to a conference room that had Dr. Lord, Ix Chel and two men that made my heart drop at the sight of them.
One man was black and wearing a suit and top hat, Baron Samedi, and the other Latino in an Armani suit, Huitzilopitchli...the scions we killed's fathers. Dr. Lord made the introductions and asked for us to be seated. I sat by Dr. Lord as far from Huitzilopitchli as I could even though, really, if he wanted to he could kill me in an instant. I found myself cutting immediately and Dr. Lord just healed me as I did. Damn it. Huitzilopitchli was first to broach the subject at hand by yelling that his daughter was dead and her sacrifice went to another god, and he wanted justice. Dr. Lord asked for the Baron's thoughts and he seemed unconcerned since he was a death god and could continue to use his son. Huitzilopitchli asked what happened finally and I knew it was time to step up. I told him about Owen and how their children stole Dave's relic and were bargaining with Owen, the corrupted scion of Gaia (now.) They interrupted asking about what the bargain was and I told them what their children told us. Huitzilopitchli asked how we knew Owen was corrupted to which we told him of the screaming for Gaia, the dinosaur bones, and calling the gods fools. Both he and the Baron finally agreed we were in the right...at least enough to not kill us, when Huitzilopitchli glared at Fletch and I and asked why his daughter's corpse was desecrated. In my head I could hear Tepini pleading with me to defend myself...Fletch had told me I could have her and she had insulted me and my father...but I couldn't it felt too much like blaming things other than myself. Finally with a bit of prodding from Tepini and reassurance from Dr. Lord I spoke up and explained that though I was not trying to pass blame she HAD insulted me and my father greatly and I told him her exact words.
The two gods finally let us off the hook and Dr. Lord dismissed us. We exited to find ourselves in the American Natural History Museum in NYC which set me on edge immediately. I can't be comfortable here in NYC anymore it seems. We went for the elevators and out walked Owen. I was so shocked and drained already that I just stood there like an idiot. He spouted off more shit about the gods being inferior and Liam told him there were two gods upstairs at which point Owen fled. Right then I had a freakshow moment and was reminded of how much it SUCKS to have Fate hit you in rapid succession like that without my nagual around. I collapsed against the wall feeling like the wind had been kicked out of me. I told them he was gone...deep in the earth and Zeus was his real father.
Liam was going to stay in the city for the weekend so I asked Dave to wait while I talked to him. My rune was coming due and I could feel the palpable hunger of it and I needed to know if I needed to find another way. He said so long as he was around I could count on him but said I should look for an alternative just in case. We headed to the park and the only secluded place I knew and on the way he told me he was going to try to transfer out. He wasn't happy with the groups morality as a whole and didn't want to impose his views on the group nor did he want to stay with things as they were. I told him I understood and led him to some overgrown bushes, pushing them aside to reveal a small clearing and pond completely hidden by bushes. I sat by the pond and dipped my feet in and told him I'd miss him if he left. He and I have a lot of fun in Chem class and the group needs him. I mean I am now ruled by my emotions, Dave by his fists, and Fletch by blood...Liam replied that he doesn't want to tell others what to do. On top of that he didn't like the idea of having to confront Dave physically if need be. I pointed out that GOOD leaders don't 'make all the decisions', they take in everyones ideas, make sure everyone is heard, and help organize it all and get the group to agree to a course of action. I told him if Dave tried something stupid again I would be the one stepping in to stop him, and I pointed out that Alex seemed to have withdrawn a lot from the group since Jahi left. He considered my words and conceded that I had a logical argument before getting that damned cute mischievous glint in his eye and pushing me into the pond. I didn't even surface before willing the water to lash out and snag him, pulling him in as well. When we got out I shook myself dry (it is SOOO nice to be able to control water now) and he removed his shirt so we could feed the damned rune. I made him promise to slap me if I ever became jaded about how screwed up my pantheon is . I told him to thank his mom for how he turned out before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and leaving...this city gives me the creeps now.
Catherine gave me one of her big hugs and eye'd Dave. He of course had forgotten who she was and I called him stubborn and hard headed to which he smacked my ass and Catherine did not look happy about that. Dr. Lord invited Dave to spar and handed me his pint cup. He seemed so confidant and I didn't understand that. I mean Dr. Lord is a demigod...he could kick ALL our bands asses at once I'm sure. Watching you could see Dr. Lord toying with him and when he got Dave in a lock I heard him tell Dave I was much more fragile than he knew and I felt myself bristle at that. FRAGILE!? I mean yeah I had been through a tremendous amount of stress and emotional trauma but hey I was still here right? But then Catherine touched my shoulder and I felt the anger recede and be replaced by calm...I both hate and love when she does that...damn her. The boys continued and Catherine assured me that none of this makes me weak. I think that they are worried Dave and I are not right for each other and that one or both of us will be hurt when it ends. I don't think like that though. It seems too much like a self fulfilling prophecy. Think too much about it and you WILL ruin what future you may have had. When they finished Dr. Lord and Catherine took us back to the cabin for dinner and we had a more normal conversation.
A few days after that Liam came into the common room and tossed some papers on the table. When I glanced at them I saw they were NYU brochures. I sighed and saw where this was going so I started by apologizing for what happened at the factory. Dave seemed to be able to brush it off as nothing and that disturbed me. I murdered that girl and here he was treating it like I killed her in the heat of battle. Fletch and Liam argued over whether or not what I did was right and I knew that fight could go on for a long time and it was getting to me so I patiently sat there and got a blade out to cut a little at my arms...well apparently Liam saw it cause he yanked it out of my hand. The fight continued and I started to realize a big part of our problem was we had no clear leader. We all had our own ideas and emotions guiding us but no one to step in and say ENOUGH. Liam brought up how Dave acted then and Dave apologized but I don't think Liam sees it as sincere enough. And Fletch promised to TRY to avoid killing when not necessary. Right about then there was a rainbow flash and we were whisked away to a conference room that had Dr. Lord, Ix Chel and two men that made my heart drop at the sight of them.
One man was black and wearing a suit and top hat, Baron Samedi, and the other Latino in an Armani suit, Huitzilopitchli...the scions we killed's fathers. Dr. Lord made the introductions and asked for us to be seated. I sat by Dr. Lord as far from Huitzilopitchli as I could even though, really, if he wanted to he could kill me in an instant. I found myself cutting immediately and Dr. Lord just healed me as I did. Damn it. Huitzilopitchli was first to broach the subject at hand by yelling that his daughter was dead and her sacrifice went to another god, and he wanted justice. Dr. Lord asked for the Baron's thoughts and he seemed unconcerned since he was a death god and could continue to use his son. Huitzilopitchli asked what happened finally and I knew it was time to step up. I told him about Owen and how their children stole Dave's relic and were bargaining with Owen, the corrupted scion of Gaia (now.) They interrupted asking about what the bargain was and I told them what their children told us. Huitzilopitchli asked how we knew Owen was corrupted to which we told him of the screaming for Gaia, the dinosaur bones, and calling the gods fools. Both he and the Baron finally agreed we were in the right...at least enough to not kill us, when Huitzilopitchli glared at Fletch and I and asked why his daughter's corpse was desecrated. In my head I could hear Tepini pleading with me to defend myself...Fletch had told me I could have her and she had insulted me and my father...but I couldn't it felt too much like blaming things other than myself. Finally with a bit of prodding from Tepini and reassurance from Dr. Lord I spoke up and explained that though I was not trying to pass blame she HAD insulted me and my father greatly and I told him her exact words.
The two gods finally let us off the hook and Dr. Lord dismissed us. We exited to find ourselves in the American Natural History Museum in NYC which set me on edge immediately. I can't be comfortable here in NYC anymore it seems. We went for the elevators and out walked Owen. I was so shocked and drained already that I just stood there like an idiot. He spouted off more shit about the gods being inferior and Liam told him there were two gods upstairs at which point Owen fled. Right then I had a freakshow moment and was reminded of how much it SUCKS to have Fate hit you in rapid succession like that without my nagual around. I collapsed against the wall feeling like the wind had been kicked out of me. I told them he was gone...deep in the earth and Zeus was his real father.
Liam was going to stay in the city for the weekend so I asked Dave to wait while I talked to him. My rune was coming due and I could feel the palpable hunger of it and I needed to know if I needed to find another way. He said so long as he was around I could count on him but said I should look for an alternative just in case. We headed to the park and the only secluded place I knew and on the way he told me he was going to try to transfer out. He wasn't happy with the groups morality as a whole and didn't want to impose his views on the group nor did he want to stay with things as they were. I told him I understood and led him to some overgrown bushes, pushing them aside to reveal a small clearing and pond completely hidden by bushes. I sat by the pond and dipped my feet in and told him I'd miss him if he left. He and I have a lot of fun in Chem class and the group needs him. I mean I am now ruled by my emotions, Dave by his fists, and Fletch by blood...Liam replied that he doesn't want to tell others what to do. On top of that he didn't like the idea of having to confront Dave physically if need be. I pointed out that GOOD leaders don't 'make all the decisions', they take in everyones ideas, make sure everyone is heard, and help organize it all and get the group to agree to a course of action. I told him if Dave tried something stupid again I would be the one stepping in to stop him, and I pointed out that Alex seemed to have withdrawn a lot from the group since Jahi left. He considered my words and conceded that I had a logical argument before getting that damned cute mischievous glint in his eye and pushing me into the pond. I didn't even surface before willing the water to lash out and snag him, pulling him in as well. When we got out I shook myself dry (it is SOOO nice to be able to control water now) and he removed his shirt so we could feed the damned rune. I made him promise to slap me if I ever became jaded about how screwed up my pantheon is . I told him to thank his mom for how he turned out before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and leaving...this city gives me the creeps now.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Ending on a high note...for now.
Have you ever felt like you've been put through a dough press? That's what I am feeling now. I mean I just had all my walls busted down and go the joys of feeling 14 years of sadness all at once. I'm shocked I didn't kill myself in the few mins it took Catherine and Dr. Lord to get to me. But then I HAD been reading up on Mictlan and Dr. Lord is right...it is somewhere I need to avoid at all costs.
Anyway I was feeling like shit when I got back to the dorms. I had woke up silently crying in the middle of the night and tried to not wake Dr. Lord up. I was like a zombie in class and seeing Dave still angry was like a kick in my gut...gods I really had hurt him hadn't I? After classes I went back out to the woods and cut some more. Now though instead of feeling good to fill a void (cause I don't think I have a void anymore) I needed to drown out all the bad I was feeling. And yep it still felt good.
Suddenly Dave came crashing through the forest and knocked my knife out of my hand and I felt myself getting mad at him again. He asked why. I told him to fuck off. He called me a selfish little girl out for attention. I asked if he ever listens to anything I tell him, that it's about feeling not attention. Then he kissed me...and I felt myself melt into him for a moment before pulling back, angry at myself. One kiss wasn't going to make the fact that he and I seem to do nothing but fight go away. We argued some more about my lack of feelings and he started to walk off...
...but came back and he looked furious. He accused me of taking from him but never giving back and hit me right across the face. I suppose I could have gotten out of the way or summoned Tepini (oh he was RAGING mad I could here him in my head) but in a way I felt I deserved it. I had hurt him. And if this is what he needed to do then I would let him do it. He yelled and hit me a few more times and I could feel my eye puffing up and closing when I felt a spark in me turn to a wildfire...I loved him. I did, I could see if burning right there in an empty part of my heart and the fire consumed a lot of my pain and anger. I launched myself at him kissing him deeply, passionately, and for the first time in my life I felt myself love someone.
I undid my armor letting it fall to the forest floor, and he followed suit. And as I looked at him I finally told him I loved him. The rest I think I will leave private for once. We spent the weekend together and I told him in no uncertain terms that I would not be treated like a frail child. It is equals or not at all.
I am terrified of what this means for me though. I have never been in a relationship, never loved anyone...no that isn't all true. I recognize now I loved my child even though I never met him or her. But I never loved a partner, and relationships are scary. I haven't had the best examples of how one should work and frankly Dave and I are both very stubborn and very quick to anger...gods help us both.
Anyway I was feeling like shit when I got back to the dorms. I had woke up silently crying in the middle of the night and tried to not wake Dr. Lord up. I was like a zombie in class and seeing Dave still angry was like a kick in my gut...gods I really had hurt him hadn't I? After classes I went back out to the woods and cut some more. Now though instead of feeling good to fill a void (cause I don't think I have a void anymore) I needed to drown out all the bad I was feeling. And yep it still felt good.
Suddenly Dave came crashing through the forest and knocked my knife out of my hand and I felt myself getting mad at him again. He asked why. I told him to fuck off. He called me a selfish little girl out for attention. I asked if he ever listens to anything I tell him, that it's about feeling not attention. Then he kissed me...and I felt myself melt into him for a moment before pulling back, angry at myself. One kiss wasn't going to make the fact that he and I seem to do nothing but fight go away. We argued some more about my lack of feelings and he started to walk off...
...but came back and he looked furious. He accused me of taking from him but never giving back and hit me right across the face. I suppose I could have gotten out of the way or summoned Tepini (oh he was RAGING mad I could here him in my head) but in a way I felt I deserved it. I had hurt him. And if this is what he needed to do then I would let him do it. He yelled and hit me a few more times and I could feel my eye puffing up and closing when I felt a spark in me turn to a wildfire...I loved him. I did, I could see if burning right there in an empty part of my heart and the fire consumed a lot of my pain and anger. I launched myself at him kissing him deeply, passionately, and for the first time in my life I felt myself love someone.
I undid my armor letting it fall to the forest floor, and he followed suit. And as I looked at him I finally told him I loved him. The rest I think I will leave private for once. We spent the weekend together and I told him in no uncertain terms that I would not be treated like a frail child. It is equals or not at all.
I am terrified of what this means for me though. I have never been in a relationship, never loved anyone...no that isn't all true. I recognize now I loved my child even though I never met him or her. But I never loved a partner, and relationships are scary. I haven't had the best examples of how one should work and frankly Dave and I are both very stubborn and very quick to anger...gods help us both.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
I come to a boiling point...
So Liam finally decided to talk to me about my scars. Seeing as everyone else already knew I didn't see the harm in telling him about it. He gave me one of those useless sorries I hate so much and told me some therapy techniques he'd been learning. I smiled and thanked him, mostly cause I didn't feel like talking in depth about it with him.
Dave and I got into yet another fight. I really am getting sick of his shit. I was laying on the couch reading up on Norse mythology and he comes out and we joke a little on what normal is before I ask him what's up. He wanted to know where we stood after that mess with Barry. I told him we were fine and that the reason he pissed me off was because he was being overprotective again of me. I mean yeah Barry had his gun leveled at me but I knew what I was doing goading him and besides my father (and everyone else's) was right there as was Dr. Lord. I knew I was fine. He asked what else he could have done and I told him frankly he could have sat there and not gotten involved...the he got all pissy and lifted me by my foot saying how would I handle this? I hate seeing him act like such girl...what the fuck is his problem?
So lab this Thursday was uneventful thank the gods, though something was going down in the amazon. He also tells us the tongue left behind was the creature's trophy and it can locate unknown scions. Dr. Lord thinks we can handle that and I get a vision of people with Dave's relic. So I had Liam and Fletch go find Alex and I went after Dave since they left before all this was discussed.
I found Dave in his room and we had another fight, worse than the others. There was shoving and pushing and pinning, but not in the fun way of before. he was being prideful and stubborn and I wanted to just hit him but I knew it would do no good since I don't have a lot of strength. Why he can't just listen when I tell him things I don't know but I am certain had I been anyone else in there he would have killed me for how much I pushed him. We went to the common room and in seconds Liam came upstairs and told us Alex was gonna meet us outside.
I follow Liam but Dave, the stubborn fool, leaps out the window and summons his bike on the way down. Liam comments on the lack of discreteness in the act, Dave jumps down Liam's throat and I decide to ignore Dave. We figured out where we needed to go and after slightly more arguing with Dave we drive up north. We found the place and were discussing a plan of action when Dave started acting like a pompous ass treating us all like pieces of shit. Then he called me a bitch again and I had had it. I started walking off. He wanted to do this himself? Fine. Fuck him too. Apparently Dave went ahead and rushed in but I didn't care until the earth started shaking and Liam shouted.
I raced into the building to help Dave only for half of it to explode revealing Owen. Two scions (Aztec chick and Loa guy) were huddled around Dave's brewery and Owen shouted some Gaia nonsense. I admit I didn't pay much attention to this fight cause...well...I was angry. I was angry at Dave for being a jerk, I was angry at Fate for putting me here, and then I felt anger that this girl, an Aztec like me, was helping this fool. I was furious and felt my anger flame white hot as I saw her. I threw my machete at her and had Tepini go for her leg hoping to knock her down but Tepini missed and my machete didn't ever knick her...but I did get her distracted. She started yelling at me and I don't know why I said it but I told her I would give her heart to my father. She took a swing at me but it just bounced off my armor. Suddenly she called out to the other scion and I can only assume one of the boys took her friend out.
I heard the brewery explode, I heard Owen claim their deal was off, but all I could focus on was this traitorous bitch. Tepini and I lunged at her and I told her my father would greatly enjoy drinking of her heart...and I meant it. I knew in that moment I would stop at nothing to give her to my father...I don't know what came over me. Maybe it was meeting Fletch and seeing how comfortable he was with killing, maybe it was knowing my father would be delighted with it if I took her heart for him, and maybe it was just all my rage but her heart was mine. Suddenly Alex had her in a hold and Liam smashed her with a maul. She claimed there was a dictator in Trinidad who was working to summon a titan and only Owen could get through his defenses.
Fletch got us to agree to not kill her right now but I told him her heart WAS going to Tez...I would settle for nothing less. Then she insulted me again and before I could react Tepini launched himself at her neck in a roar of rage. Liam apparently healed the other cause as Tepini lunged at her I heard him shout her name. I was having a very hard time keeping Tepini from ripping her throat out and told them to hurry up and question her. Truthfully I was having a hard time controlling myself too. Alex asked her for details and she spat at him telling him to fuck off. I waited for the others to say more but Alex just said wrong answer and Liam turned away. So I pulled out my obsideon knife and started to pray to my father. I asked him to accept my offer of this traitorous, blasphemous bitches heart and make sure she suffered in Mictlan for what she did. Then I plunged my knife into her heart...
And suddenly I felt all my anger wash away as her blood spewed from the wound I had made. As her blood fell and pooled and I stared at it I felt tears start falling. What had I done? I had just killed this girl, MURDERED her. I knelt down over her watching what I had done, not paying attention to the others, as tears fell. I couldn't stop them. Liam tossed my keys at me and left. I told Fletch to take my car and got up and started walking. I didn't want to be around them right now....I couldn't stop crying and felt an enormous amount of grief fall upon me. It was as if all the walls I had built suddenly failed at once and I felt the grief of lack of parental love, the grief of losing my brother to my father, of the loss of my child, a child I never knew, everything. It all came crashing on me at once. I texted Catherine some nonsense, reaching out to her and kept walking. Within moments she and Dr. Lord came riding on Ix Chel.
Catherine wrapped me in her arms and I stood there sobbing for a moment. Tepini told them what had happened since I couldn't stop crying long enough to get it out. Dr. Lord placed a hand on my shoulder and told me it was ok to cry, to feel this way. I managed to get out how she was held and of no risk to anyone, but he said someone who taunts their captors is ASKING to die. I tried to ask why I couldn't stop crying and Catherine told me it was ok that I was finally healing. Dr. Lord was ready to go find Alejandro and put his head on a pike. I was hurting so bad I wanted to just die and be done with it. I told them I didn't want to face the others right now and was going to stay in the woods that night, at which Catherine looked horrified and Dr. Lord told me I could stay at the cabin for the night. I didn't want to be more of a burden then I already was on them but Dr. Lord and Catherine assured me it was fine and he whisked us all back to his cabin.
I talked some more with Catherine about what I was feeling while Dr. Lord cooked dinner, then I asked her about relationships. Things were so messed up with Dave right now and I felt this weird emptiness inside without him here. She's going to make a good mother someday.
We had dinner and I passed out almost immediately after. Feeling so much after years of feeling nothing will take a lot out of a person, and I love them for taking care of me like they did. They didn't have too but they did.
Dave and I got into yet another fight. I really am getting sick of his shit. I was laying on the couch reading up on Norse mythology and he comes out and we joke a little on what normal is before I ask him what's up. He wanted to know where we stood after that mess with Barry. I told him we were fine and that the reason he pissed me off was because he was being overprotective again of me. I mean yeah Barry had his gun leveled at me but I knew what I was doing goading him and besides my father (and everyone else's) was right there as was Dr. Lord. I knew I was fine. He asked what else he could have done and I told him frankly he could have sat there and not gotten involved...the he got all pissy and lifted me by my foot saying how would I handle this? I hate seeing him act like such girl...what the fuck is his problem?
So lab this Thursday was uneventful thank the gods, though something was going down in the amazon. He also tells us the tongue left behind was the creature's trophy and it can locate unknown scions. Dr. Lord thinks we can handle that and I get a vision of people with Dave's relic. So I had Liam and Fletch go find Alex and I went after Dave since they left before all this was discussed.
I found Dave in his room and we had another fight, worse than the others. There was shoving and pushing and pinning, but not in the fun way of before. he was being prideful and stubborn and I wanted to just hit him but I knew it would do no good since I don't have a lot of strength. Why he can't just listen when I tell him things I don't know but I am certain had I been anyone else in there he would have killed me for how much I pushed him. We went to the common room and in seconds Liam came upstairs and told us Alex was gonna meet us outside.
I follow Liam but Dave, the stubborn fool, leaps out the window and summons his bike on the way down. Liam comments on the lack of discreteness in the act, Dave jumps down Liam's throat and I decide to ignore Dave. We figured out where we needed to go and after slightly more arguing with Dave we drive up north. We found the place and were discussing a plan of action when Dave started acting like a pompous ass treating us all like pieces of shit. Then he called me a bitch again and I had had it. I started walking off. He wanted to do this himself? Fine. Fuck him too. Apparently Dave went ahead and rushed in but I didn't care until the earth started shaking and Liam shouted.
I raced into the building to help Dave only for half of it to explode revealing Owen. Two scions (Aztec chick and Loa guy) were huddled around Dave's brewery and Owen shouted some Gaia nonsense. I admit I didn't pay much attention to this fight cause...well...I was angry. I was angry at Dave for being a jerk, I was angry at Fate for putting me here, and then I felt anger that this girl, an Aztec like me, was helping this fool. I was furious and felt my anger flame white hot as I saw her. I threw my machete at her and had Tepini go for her leg hoping to knock her down but Tepini missed and my machete didn't ever knick her...but I did get her distracted. She started yelling at me and I don't know why I said it but I told her I would give her heart to my father. She took a swing at me but it just bounced off my armor. Suddenly she called out to the other scion and I can only assume one of the boys took her friend out.
I heard the brewery explode, I heard Owen claim their deal was off, but all I could focus on was this traitorous bitch. Tepini and I lunged at her and I told her my father would greatly enjoy drinking of her heart...and I meant it. I knew in that moment I would stop at nothing to give her to my father...I don't know what came over me. Maybe it was meeting Fletch and seeing how comfortable he was with killing, maybe it was knowing my father would be delighted with it if I took her heart for him, and maybe it was just all my rage but her heart was mine. Suddenly Alex had her in a hold and Liam smashed her with a maul. She claimed there was a dictator in Trinidad who was working to summon a titan and only Owen could get through his defenses.
Fletch got us to agree to not kill her right now but I told him her heart WAS going to Tez...I would settle for nothing less. Then she insulted me again and before I could react Tepini launched himself at her neck in a roar of rage. Liam apparently healed the other cause as Tepini lunged at her I heard him shout her name. I was having a very hard time keeping Tepini from ripping her throat out and told them to hurry up and question her. Truthfully I was having a hard time controlling myself too. Alex asked her for details and she spat at him telling him to fuck off. I waited for the others to say more but Alex just said wrong answer and Liam turned away. So I pulled out my obsideon knife and started to pray to my father. I asked him to accept my offer of this traitorous, blasphemous bitches heart and make sure she suffered in Mictlan for what she did. Then I plunged my knife into her heart...
And suddenly I felt all my anger wash away as her blood spewed from the wound I had made. As her blood fell and pooled and I stared at it I felt tears start falling. What had I done? I had just killed this girl, MURDERED her. I knelt down over her watching what I had done, not paying attention to the others, as tears fell. I couldn't stop them. Liam tossed my keys at me and left. I told Fletch to take my car and got up and started walking. I didn't want to be around them right now....I couldn't stop crying and felt an enormous amount of grief fall upon me. It was as if all the walls I had built suddenly failed at once and I felt the grief of lack of parental love, the grief of losing my brother to my father, of the loss of my child, a child I never knew, everything. It all came crashing on me at once. I texted Catherine some nonsense, reaching out to her and kept walking. Within moments she and Dr. Lord came riding on Ix Chel.
Catherine wrapped me in her arms and I stood there sobbing for a moment. Tepini told them what had happened since I couldn't stop crying long enough to get it out. Dr. Lord placed a hand on my shoulder and told me it was ok to cry, to feel this way. I managed to get out how she was held and of no risk to anyone, but he said someone who taunts their captors is ASKING to die. I tried to ask why I couldn't stop crying and Catherine told me it was ok that I was finally healing. Dr. Lord was ready to go find Alejandro and put his head on a pike. I was hurting so bad I wanted to just die and be done with it. I told them I didn't want to face the others right now and was going to stay in the woods that night, at which Catherine looked horrified and Dr. Lord told me I could stay at the cabin for the night. I didn't want to be more of a burden then I already was on them but Dr. Lord and Catherine assured me it was fine and he whisked us all back to his cabin.
I talked some more with Catherine about what I was feeling while Dr. Lord cooked dinner, then I asked her about relationships. Things were so messed up with Dave right now and I felt this weird emptiness inside without him here. She's going to make a good mother someday.
We had dinner and I passed out almost immediately after. Feeling so much after years of feeling nothing will take a lot out of a person, and I love them for taking care of me like they did. They didn't have too but they did.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Owen the earth diver.
Ok so lab was on Thursday and after it I had my first counseling session with Patrice.
We walked into Dr. Lord having an argument with his TA, Owen. Seemed to have something to do with us but it's hard to tell since we only heard the tail end of the conversation. Dr. Lord introduced Fletcher to the others and took out our dissection assignment...a pterodactyl looking creature. Apparently it's a kongamoto and he paralyzed it so we could poke around inside it without killing it (since killing makes titanspawn go *poof*.) We went to work answering the questions in our packets while Dave sulked over whatever was bothering him.
Suddenly we hear Dr. Lord arguing with the TA again and it sounds like he was about to barge in. Fletcher put the spawn back in the box but as he did it woke up. I lept at it and Tepini lept from me and we struck it together killing it. It left behind it's tongue which Liam made disappear and he walked over to let the TA in as I released Tepini. Owen saw Fletcher's bird and Liam explained it away as he walked over and made my machete vanish too. But then...then he saw Kiti. Mortals can't see Kiti much like they can't see Ix Chel and Owen saw her too. Suddenly he gripped his head and screamed "You're all them, the ones who foil Mother's plans! MOTHER GAIA, SAVE ME!" and lept out the window and into the ground.
Dr. Lord told us he had scented a scion nearby and it seems it was Owen. He was a corrupted scion. Someone once on our side but for whatever reason he now fought with the titan....and we were told he is to be killed not captured.
As the others left I stayed behind and waited...my appointment was in an hour.
Patrice asked me to tell her about myself and I did, then told me about herself a little. She jumped right in on the abortion issue...trying to get me to stop blaming myself. We talked a little about my fathers and she asked I give this a try. Sure what the hell...if I said no I'd just piss of Dr. Lord I'm sure and I respect him too much to not try.
We walked into Dr. Lord having an argument with his TA, Owen. Seemed to have something to do with us but it's hard to tell since we only heard the tail end of the conversation. Dr. Lord introduced Fletcher to the others and took out our dissection assignment...a pterodactyl looking creature. Apparently it's a kongamoto and he paralyzed it so we could poke around inside it without killing it (since killing makes titanspawn go *poof*.) We went to work answering the questions in our packets while Dave sulked over whatever was bothering him.
Suddenly we hear Dr. Lord arguing with the TA again and it sounds like he was about to barge in. Fletcher put the spawn back in the box but as he did it woke up. I lept at it and Tepini lept from me and we struck it together killing it. It left behind it's tongue which Liam made disappear and he walked over to let the TA in as I released Tepini. Owen saw Fletcher's bird and Liam explained it away as he walked over and made my machete vanish too. But then...then he saw Kiti. Mortals can't see Kiti much like they can't see Ix Chel and Owen saw her too. Suddenly he gripped his head and screamed "You're all them, the ones who foil Mother's plans! MOTHER GAIA, SAVE ME!" and lept out the window and into the ground.
Dr. Lord told us he had scented a scion nearby and it seems it was Owen. He was a corrupted scion. Someone once on our side but for whatever reason he now fought with the titan....and we were told he is to be killed not captured.
As the others left I stayed behind and waited...my appointment was in an hour.
Patrice asked me to tell her about myself and I did, then told me about herself a little. She jumped right in on the abortion issue...trying to get me to stop blaming myself. We talked a little about my fathers and she asked I give this a try. Sure what the hell...if I said no I'd just piss of Dr. Lord I'm sure and I respect him too much to not try.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I could just KILL my nephew...
Ok so yeah it's only in the weird way the gods work that Dr. Lord is my nephew...but still...
So apparently I fell asleep waiting for Dr. Lord to show up...I should probably stop skipping sleep but fuck it. He has me sit and launches into one of those "You're being selfish speeches I have heard before, followed by the guilt complex of how my father would do worse than kill him, then the threats of how Mictlan is not a nice place for suicides...and while I know all these things I can't help but cringe...cause I've heard them before...from a therapist the last time I tried to kill myself.
Then he starts to say he is going to send me to the school's councilors...and I nearly have a freak out moment. I mean those people are even less trained than that hack that tried to get in my panties! And on top of that he's pawning me off on someone else. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. I can talk to him about these things because he does understand me...and I trust him, more than I've trusted anyone else before...and he tries passing me off to SCHOOL COUNSELORS!?
Then he caught on that Ix Chel told me to stay away and went on about how I can't try to fix things myself...I felt like I was 16 again. He picked up his phone and called someone named Patrice, his bandmate....and schedules an appointment to talk with him. I was feeling more and more hurt by the second...great pass me off to the next person.
I could see trying to make him understand wasn't going to help so I switched the topic to Kiti and trying to make him invisible...thankfully their was a knock at the door and I knew it was Fletch. Dr. Lord had him come in and I introduced them...then Dr. Lord got a call from Fletch's dad...THAT made me laugh. I hope I never have to deal with that man cause watching Dr. Lord do it...I don't think I will ever have the kind of backbone he does.
At the end of the call I heard him mutter about ex-girlfriends dad...which means he dated a sister of Fletch's....oh this semester proves to be even more complicated I am sure...
So apparently I fell asleep waiting for Dr. Lord to show up...I should probably stop skipping sleep but fuck it. He has me sit and launches into one of those "You're being selfish speeches I have heard before, followed by the guilt complex of how my father would do worse than kill him, then the threats of how Mictlan is not a nice place for suicides...and while I know all these things I can't help but cringe...cause I've heard them before...from a therapist the last time I tried to kill myself.
Then he starts to say he is going to send me to the school's councilors...and I nearly have a freak out moment. I mean those people are even less trained than that hack that tried to get in my panties! And on top of that he's pawning me off on someone else. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. I can talk to him about these things because he does understand me...and I trust him, more than I've trusted anyone else before...and he tries passing me off to SCHOOL COUNSELORS!?
Then he caught on that Ix Chel told me to stay away and went on about how I can't try to fix things myself...I felt like I was 16 again. He picked up his phone and called someone named Patrice, his bandmate....and schedules an appointment to talk with him. I was feeling more and more hurt by the second...great pass me off to the next person.
I could see trying to make him understand wasn't going to help so I switched the topic to Kiti and trying to make him invisible...thankfully their was a knock at the door and I knew it was Fletch. Dr. Lord had him come in and I introduced them...then Dr. Lord got a call from Fletch's dad...THAT made me laugh. I hope I never have to deal with that man cause watching Dr. Lord do it...I don't think I will ever have the kind of backbone he does.
At the end of the call I heard him mutter about ex-girlfriends dad...which means he dated a sister of Fletch's....oh this semester proves to be even more complicated I am sure...
A new friend
So I went out to a bar, drank a little, went to the club again, drank some more, danced a bit, and then I smelled a familiar scent...blood...the scent of my pantheon. I followed it to the bar where I found a very handsome Englishmen named Fletcher.
Turns out he's a newly visited son of Huitzilopochtli...our war god. Blood thirsty bastard from what I understand. So we chatted and turns out his dad came when he was dying of an OD...but he's now immune to drugs and alcohol. Apparently he's killed before too. I don't know why but this stirred something in me and I asked to go with him next time...what the hell is happening to me!?
I told him I'd introduce him to Dr. Lord tomorrow and we agreed to meet at his office after my last class...
Time to go let Tepini hunt...
Turns out he's a newly visited son of Huitzilopochtli...our war god. Blood thirsty bastard from what I understand. So we chatted and turns out his dad came when he was dying of an OD...but he's now immune to drugs and alcohol. Apparently he's killed before too. I don't know why but this stirred something in me and I asked to go with him next time...what the hell is happening to me!?
I told him I'd introduce him to Dr. Lord tomorrow and we agreed to meet at his office after my last class...
Time to go let Tepini hunt...
Monday, February 14, 2011
A lunch made in Mictlan
So I got this invite to lunch in the fancy conference room...ya know the one they only use for VIPs and such? So I got ready, had a nice little dress on and went. As I walked in though I knew it wasn't gonna be a pleasant lunch cause it was all decked out in architecture and art from the various pantheons...which meant it was for or parents.
Sighing I sat down and changed my dress to jeans and a tank top and waited. Dr. Lord was there and confirmed my suspicions and sure enough in walks our parents. Lugh congratulated Liam and did something to/for him that I can only assume was a reward for helping me. Thor and Dave talked about beer (shocker there right?), Alex managed to insult his father but I think that had more to do with Hephaestus being touchy then Alex actually insulting him. Dad decided to congratulate me in my head for keeping at my cutting...why he thinks I do it for his benefit I have no idea but whatever. I still didn't feel like eating so I just toyed with my soup silently and waited for the others...yes I know I acted like a sullen child...back off.
So it turns out this was like a progress report on how things were going. Thor and Heph thought things were going well, but Nergal thought we should be doing more. Sun Wukong and Coyote scoffed at him. Vahram stands up and says we should show them our prowess...like a big battle or something to which Lugh comments it shouldn't be all fighting...and honestly I did not feel like spending my Sunday with these people any longer than I had to. I channeled Chaos and found the best way to end this quickly was to goad Barry...which isn't hard. I looked across the table and asked what he though of all this since the rest of our parents are demon spawn...I may have called him a Jesus freak too.
Sure enough he retorted with us being hellspawn and his father being the one true god...you could hear a pin drop. I was laughing my ass off inside. Nergal looked ready to kill him right there. Coyote was amused and Vahram was in shock. Then Barry pulled his shotgun...aiming at everyone and I goaded him some more so he settled on me. I got a vision that his left shoulder was weak so when he leveled his gun at me I slammed my palm into it...and he was writhing in pain on the floor.
Dr. Lord explained about the spot to Vahram, Dave acted like his usual over protective self, and I sat back down trying not to smile. Vahram yelled at his son then told us punishment was our decision. Dave wanted to pummel him but I think that wound is enough...and now we all know about it. But Vahram agreed with Dave. he can go at it with him whenever and will not avenge Barry if he dies. Stupid men.
As soon as it was over I went straight to my car and headed into town..I need drink, drugs, and dance.
Sighing I sat down and changed my dress to jeans and a tank top and waited. Dr. Lord was there and confirmed my suspicions and sure enough in walks our parents. Lugh congratulated Liam and did something to/for him that I can only assume was a reward for helping me. Thor and Dave talked about beer (shocker there right?), Alex managed to insult his father but I think that had more to do with Hephaestus being touchy then Alex actually insulting him. Dad decided to congratulate me in my head for keeping at my cutting...why he thinks I do it for his benefit I have no idea but whatever. I still didn't feel like eating so I just toyed with my soup silently and waited for the others...yes I know I acted like a sullen child...back off.
So it turns out this was like a progress report on how things were going. Thor and Heph thought things were going well, but Nergal thought we should be doing more. Sun Wukong and Coyote scoffed at him. Vahram stands up and says we should show them our prowess...like a big battle or something to which Lugh comments it shouldn't be all fighting...and honestly I did not feel like spending my Sunday with these people any longer than I had to. I channeled Chaos and found the best way to end this quickly was to goad Barry...which isn't hard. I looked across the table and asked what he though of all this since the rest of our parents are demon spawn...I may have called him a Jesus freak too.
Sure enough he retorted with us being hellspawn and his father being the one true god...you could hear a pin drop. I was laughing my ass off inside. Nergal looked ready to kill him right there. Coyote was amused and Vahram was in shock. Then Barry pulled his shotgun...aiming at everyone and I goaded him some more so he settled on me. I got a vision that his left shoulder was weak so when he leveled his gun at me I slammed my palm into it...and he was writhing in pain on the floor.
Dr. Lord explained about the spot to Vahram, Dave acted like his usual over protective self, and I sat back down trying not to smile. Vahram yelled at his son then told us punishment was our decision. Dave wanted to pummel him but I think that wound is enough...and now we all know about it. But Vahram agreed with Dave. he can go at it with him whenever and will not avenge Barry if he dies. Stupid men.
As soon as it was over I went straight to my car and headed into town..I need drink, drugs, and dance.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
I slip into old habbits
This last month has been...trying. It started with this shit with my dad. I spent a week fuming and trying to figure out what to do about a rune that needs to be FED HUMAN BLOOD FROM THE HEART. I mean FUCK YOU TOO dad. I finally went to the guys and asked their advice. We were brainstorming when I went to find Ix Chel. She got on my case for tying myself to closely to Dr. Lord and for my need to say the first thing that comes into my brain (including my visions.)
She wasn't a lot of help with my rune issue but she did get me thinking about how little I know about the human body, so I went to see Liam cause he is pre-med. After discussing it a bit he said he had an idea. As I watched he pulled out his knife and stabbed himself in the heart! NO SHIT IN THE HEART! I didn't know what to do other than take the blade when he handed it to me and feed the damn rune. I was stunned.
That night he held a movie night which was fun despite the fact it was all fantasy based. But fun to just hang out and be normal. He even got my favorite soda which I had run out of which was nice. Funny in high school I always thought he was a self absorbed jock like the rest...guess that's what I get for assuming things.
The next few weeks I didn't eat or sleep. I kept getting visions of bad stuff. Some of it of the people I know and care for, some of more abstract things but all of it bad. After my chat with Ix Chel I knew I shouldn't go to Dr. Lord with it and my bandmates wouldn't understand. I spent all my time out in the forest with Tepini. He'd hunt and I'd sit in the trees getting high and cutting myself. I know people don't understand it but the cutting...the pain it brings is the best feeling in the world. Better even than the high my pills give me. At one point Dave tried to get me to talk to him but he was the last person I needed to discuss this with.
A few days ago Catherine found me out in the woods. Apparently Ix Chel did tell her I wanted to talk to her but she didn't tell her it was important...and it took Dr. Lord mentioning how worn I was looking in class to trigger a prophetic vision and know how bad it was getting. To be honest I didn't know how much I was letting it effect me. She made me eat a granola bar and we had a talk about Ix Chel and Prophecy in general. Apparently being around Kiti more will help, but he irritates me so much I'm not sure it is worth the hassle. I finally told her about all of my visions, including Dr. Lord becoming the 6th sun, and my father and uncles worry over him and now me. It scares me that two gods are worried enough about me to interfere in my life so much.
After we finished she asked me to be her bridesmaid in their wedding. I was shocked. I mean she barely knows me but since Dr. Lord does see me as family she said it was a natural thing. Now we both know I don't believe in love or relationships but I won't stand in the way of others or argue the point, so I am more than happy to be a part of it. I finally got her number and she has mine.
As I was about to fall asleep that night I got a vision (FUCK) but it wasn't bad. It was Dr. Lord and Catherine talking. Turns out Dr. Lord is just as worried and confused about how to react around me as I am him, and while he is worried about me he is also a bit relieved I have not been around. I'm not sure how to take that but I was too tired to figure it out.
She wasn't a lot of help with my rune issue but she did get me thinking about how little I know about the human body, so I went to see Liam cause he is pre-med. After discussing it a bit he said he had an idea. As I watched he pulled out his knife and stabbed himself in the heart! NO SHIT IN THE HEART! I didn't know what to do other than take the blade when he handed it to me and feed the damn rune. I was stunned.
That night he held a movie night which was fun despite the fact it was all fantasy based. But fun to just hang out and be normal. He even got my favorite soda which I had run out of which was nice. Funny in high school I always thought he was a self absorbed jock like the rest...guess that's what I get for assuming things.
The next few weeks I didn't eat or sleep. I kept getting visions of bad stuff. Some of it of the people I know and care for, some of more abstract things but all of it bad. After my chat with Ix Chel I knew I shouldn't go to Dr. Lord with it and my bandmates wouldn't understand. I spent all my time out in the forest with Tepini. He'd hunt and I'd sit in the trees getting high and cutting myself. I know people don't understand it but the cutting...the pain it brings is the best feeling in the world. Better even than the high my pills give me. At one point Dave tried to get me to talk to him but he was the last person I needed to discuss this with.
A few days ago Catherine found me out in the woods. Apparently Ix Chel did tell her I wanted to talk to her but she didn't tell her it was important...and it took Dr. Lord mentioning how worn I was looking in class to trigger a prophetic vision and know how bad it was getting. To be honest I didn't know how much I was letting it effect me. She made me eat a granola bar and we had a talk about Ix Chel and Prophecy in general. Apparently being around Kiti more will help, but he irritates me so much I'm not sure it is worth the hassle. I finally told her about all of my visions, including Dr. Lord becoming the 6th sun, and my father and uncles worry over him and now me. It scares me that two gods are worried enough about me to interfere in my life so much.
After we finished she asked me to be her bridesmaid in their wedding. I was shocked. I mean she barely knows me but since Dr. Lord does see me as family she said it was a natural thing. Now we both know I don't believe in love or relationships but I won't stand in the way of others or argue the point, so I am more than happy to be a part of it. I finally got her number and she has mine.
As I was about to fall asleep that night I got a vision (FUCK) but it wasn't bad. It was Dr. Lord and Catherine talking. Turns out Dr. Lord is just as worried and confused about how to react around me as I am him, and while he is worried about me he is also a bit relieved I have not been around. I'm not sure how to take that but I was too tired to figure it out.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Random Lyrical shit
So I have no musical talent but I am a writer and decided to try my hand at some shit seeing as I am in the middle of the worst week ever.
I would like to believe
That the things that bring me down
And the life I lead
Are one in the same and no different
Pick your mind to conceive
Of a way to pick you up
‘Cause you might just be
Going down, down, down and so
When your will breaks down
Will you pick you up?
Have you had enough?
Yes, I’ve had enough
Getting bored as I speak
On a simple lesson taught
All in one bad week
When it seemed just like we had lost everything
You awake from the night
Sometimes riding golden sun
And the heat rises
Off the ground, ground, ground and so
When your will breaks down
Will you pick you up?
Have you had enough?
Yes, I’ve had enough
Do you think if you try, then you’ll calm down
If I scream up at the sky, will you come down
If I could, you know that I would turn it around
But the things that pick me up bring me down, down, down and so
Have had enough?
Yes, I’ve had enough
When your will breaks down
Will you pick you up?
Have you had enough?
Yes, I’ve had enough
I would like to believe
That the things that bring me down
And the life I lead
Are one in the same and no different
Pick your mind to conceive
Of a way to pick you up
‘Cause you might just be
Going down, down, down and so
When your will breaks down
Will you pick you up?
Have you had enough?
Yes, I’ve had enough
Getting bored as I speak
On a simple lesson taught
All in one bad week
When it seemed just like we had lost everything
You awake from the night
Sometimes riding golden sun
And the heat rises
Off the ground, ground, ground and so
When your will breaks down
Will you pick you up?
Have you had enough?
Yes, I’ve had enough
Do you think if you try, then you’ll calm down
If I scream up at the sky, will you come down
If I could, you know that I would turn it around
But the things that pick me up bring me down, down, down and so
Have had enough?
Yes, I’ve had enough
When your will breaks down
Will you pick you up?
Have you had enough?
Yes, I’ve had enough
Thursday, February 3, 2011
I meet my uncle...and worry him
So let's see in the past TWO DAYS I have done cocaine for the first time in months, taken Dave's V-card, gone to the rainforest and nearly got killed, argued with Dave, had epic sex with Sean, made up with Dave, went to fetch my nargual, mouthed off a bit to my father and uncle, and saw more creepy visions thanks to the freakshow.....yeah it's been a fun two days.
Let's skip to the important part. Dr. Lord, Catherine and Luciano we're there to set this up and send Dr. Lord, Dave (who came along to learn) and I on our quest. However when we got there Tezcatlipoca and Quetzalcoatl (my uncle) were there. They said Dr. Lord was not allowed or couldn't do this for me, and seemed to keep deflecting to him. Dad tried the pull the "isn't Tepini enough trick" but it didn't work either. Then I managed to startle them both! No shit! I made the two of them think a moment...ah but then they tried to use half truths but Dr. Lord told me to focus, this wasn't about him it's about me and they were trying to knock me off course.
So I had a freakshow moment showing that if Dr. Lord did this he would become the Sixth sun...which overthrows Tezcatlipoca and Quetzalcoatl. I told him he shouldn't do this prepared to try again another time, when Dr. Lord asked them to do it. To be honest I was surprised, even more so when they told me to plead my case. So I did. I don't think dad realized before how badly I hate secrets. And not knowing something that is a part of my soul? No I could not live with that. So they agreed and I got to ride on my uncles back to the doors to our Overworld.
Oh but my father...having to get the last word in. He came up behind me and said "Well, daughter, you have become quite skilled at getting your way... I suppose I must reward that... but I also must correct that..." and carved the Aztec symbol for water into my right hand. Oh but things are never simple with him. The rune channels water all right BUT I have to give it human blood every thirteen days...and it cannot be my own. FUCK! FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!!
Quetzalcoatl went into the Overworld and returned with a bundle. When I opened out flew what looked like a cross between a vulture and a turkey but so much more beautiful. It's head is the red of a ruby, covered in iridescent blue jewels. The bird's feathers are a bright green, though the tips of its wings are a crimson brown, like dried blood. Spots like the eyes on a peacock's tail trail the bird's back. Dr. Lord told me it is my father's other animal, which by the way according to myth was a god of famine and disease.
As Dr. Lord walked off and I looked at my new guide I had another vision but without the normal freakshow. Tezcatlipoca and Quetzalcoatl were talking but I couldn't make out who's voice was who's. They said "That was the heaviest risk we have ever taken." "It is for the best. He still has the capacity to overthrow us, but it is less certain now" The girl troubles me, though" "True, I was not expecting her to have that insight... I fear she may be a difficulty as things go on..." "Hmm... We both have plans for her" "Yes, yes... But I think some insurance is in order..." "You mean... Oh, I see..." "Than it shall be done?" "I can see no better outcome."
Let's skip to the important part. Dr. Lord, Catherine and Luciano we're there to set this up and send Dr. Lord, Dave (who came along to learn) and I on our quest. However when we got there Tezcatlipoca and Quetzalcoatl (my uncle) were there. They said Dr. Lord was not allowed or couldn't do this for me, and seemed to keep deflecting to him. Dad tried the pull the "isn't Tepini enough trick" but it didn't work either. Then I managed to startle them both! No shit! I made the two of them think a moment...ah but then they tried to use half truths but Dr. Lord told me to focus, this wasn't about him it's about me and they were trying to knock me off course.
So I had a freakshow moment showing that if Dr. Lord did this he would become the Sixth sun...which overthrows Tezcatlipoca and Quetzalcoatl. I told him he shouldn't do this prepared to try again another time, when Dr. Lord asked them to do it. To be honest I was surprised, even more so when they told me to plead my case. So I did. I don't think dad realized before how badly I hate secrets. And not knowing something that is a part of my soul? No I could not live with that. So they agreed and I got to ride on my uncles back to the doors to our Overworld.
Oh but my father...having to get the last word in. He came up behind me and said "Well, daughter, you have become quite skilled at getting your way... I suppose I must reward that... but I also must correct that..." and carved the Aztec symbol for water into my right hand. Oh but things are never simple with him. The rune channels water all right BUT I have to give it human blood every thirteen days...and it cannot be my own. FUCK! FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!!
Quetzalcoatl went into the Overworld and returned with a bundle. When I opened out flew what looked like a cross between a vulture and a turkey but so much more beautiful. It's head is the red of a ruby, covered in iridescent blue jewels. The bird's feathers are a bright green, though the tips of its wings are a crimson brown, like dried blood. Spots like the eyes on a peacock's tail trail the bird's back. Dr. Lord told me it is my father's other animal, which by the way according to myth was a god of famine and disease.
As Dr. Lord walked off and I looked at my new guide I had another vision but without the normal freakshow. Tezcatlipoca and Quetzalcoatl were talking but I couldn't make out who's voice was who's. They said "That was the heaviest risk we have ever taken." "It is for the best. He still has the capacity to overthrow us, but it is less certain now" The girl troubles me, though" "True, I was not expecting her to have that insight... I fear she may be a difficulty as things go on..." "Hmm... We both have plans for her" "Yes, yes... But I think some insurance is in order..." "You mean... Oh, I see..." "Than it shall be done?" "I can see no better outcome."
So YAY! Now I worry both my father and uncle. Just what I didn't need! More divine attention on me, and attention that is not looking to be good. Though a part of me wonders if they didn't let me see that on purpose, because it wasn't channeling Fate like I normally do...
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Apparently I've got family...
...and I nearly lost it the day I found out I have it.
Dr. Lord took us to the rainforest wanting us to find out who or what was tampering with his research stations. Easy peasy right? Nope not for Scions it's not.
I sent Tepini out to scout and eventually we came upon the first station where a curupira showed up. It knew Dr. Lord and thought we were trespassing but after smelling him on me it knew we were ok. While SOnia talked monkey to it and the others listened I gathered the samples Dr. Lord wanted, while Dave sat down sorting out whatever it is that's bothering him.
All of sudden Dave goes flying and this huge harry creature bursts out of the trees. The Curupira screamed Mapinguari. This thing was big, bad and angry. Our first hits on it landed but most just bounced off it doing little to nothing to it. When I finally got to scan it I nearly ran screaming into the forest right then...we were so out of our league it isn't funny. I mean one hit from this thing COULD be deadly to almost any of us. It hit Alex a few times but that boy has some set or armor that just seems to absorb every blow he takes. Dave somehow got lucky and managed to clinch it but that didn't last long and when Alex finally landed a solid blow on it...it got madder. When it started looking weaker I charged in and took a swipe at it but by then it was free. I missed and it seemed to sense it couldn't hurt Alex (OH FUCK! It's intelligent) and it took a swipe at me. Let me tell you the last time I felt pain like that was when I tried to kill myself. Someone finally took it out and I just fell to the ground. Liam come over and was able to do something to help stave off the pain and as I get up Dr. Lord comes flying (like he was thrown) into the clearing and 2 people walk into it.
These people are Dr. Lords...best enemies. As there is some back and forth Jahi tells us to get the liver from that thing and as Liam does that I go for it's heart. Now I don't know what came over me but as I prayed to my father asking for his help I didn't ask to heal me...I asked him to protect Dr. Lord. Whatever I did worked as Dr. Lords bandmate showed up as did a herd of those wild pigs and together the two took out his enemies. I had a freakshow moment, there were introductions and Dr. Lord healed me and took us all home.
Jahi informed us she is leaving and it breaks my heart. I really liked her and felt close to her. But her father is missing and while I cannot sympathize with her I understand others do have strong ties to their families. I don't know if we will see her again but I pray she finds her dad safe. Dr. Lord made Miyet a nemean before sending them both on their way.
When everyone cleared out I stayed to talk with Dr. Lord. He looked so drained I asked if he was ok to which he replied (and I quote) "I was better when I didn't see you nearly dead," Dr. Lord says, "You said you see me as family, something no one outside my Band has ever done, then you nearly die. I can take a beating, no matter who it's from." I was shocked. I didn't have an answer to that. No one cared the last time I nearly died (except Tez but then he had his own reasons for that.) he told me then that Tez did answer my prayer and I would likely regret it later but to be honest it was worth it. No matter the cost being sure Dr. Lord was safe was worth it. At this point I needed to change the subject before things got too uncomfortable and informed him that even though he wanted me to think more on it, I was sure I wanted to meet my nargual. The idea that there is a part of me I do not know is a little infuriating. So tomorrow he will do the ceremony for me, and told me to bring my friends as it can be educational. I told him to say hi to Catherine for me (his fiance) and was about to leave when he actually called me by my first name...got myself some family it seems.
Dr. Lord took us to the rainforest wanting us to find out who or what was tampering with his research stations. Easy peasy right? Nope not for Scions it's not.
I sent Tepini out to scout and eventually we came upon the first station where a curupira showed up. It knew Dr. Lord and thought we were trespassing but after smelling him on me it knew we were ok. While SOnia talked monkey to it and the others listened I gathered the samples Dr. Lord wanted, while Dave sat down sorting out whatever it is that's bothering him.
All of sudden Dave goes flying and this huge harry creature bursts out of the trees. The Curupira screamed Mapinguari. This thing was big, bad and angry. Our first hits on it landed but most just bounced off it doing little to nothing to it. When I finally got to scan it I nearly ran screaming into the forest right then...we were so out of our league it isn't funny. I mean one hit from this thing COULD be deadly to almost any of us. It hit Alex a few times but that boy has some set or armor that just seems to absorb every blow he takes. Dave somehow got lucky and managed to clinch it but that didn't last long and when Alex finally landed a solid blow on it...it got madder. When it started looking weaker I charged in and took a swipe at it but by then it was free. I missed and it seemed to sense it couldn't hurt Alex (OH FUCK! It's intelligent) and it took a swipe at me. Let me tell you the last time I felt pain like that was when I tried to kill myself. Someone finally took it out and I just fell to the ground. Liam come over and was able to do something to help stave off the pain and as I get up Dr. Lord comes flying (like he was thrown) into the clearing and 2 people walk into it.
These people are Dr. Lords...best enemies. As there is some back and forth Jahi tells us to get the liver from that thing and as Liam does that I go for it's heart. Now I don't know what came over me but as I prayed to my father asking for his help I didn't ask to heal me...I asked him to protect Dr. Lord. Whatever I did worked as Dr. Lords bandmate showed up as did a herd of those wild pigs and together the two took out his enemies. I had a freakshow moment, there were introductions and Dr. Lord healed me and took us all home.
Jahi informed us she is leaving and it breaks my heart. I really liked her and felt close to her. But her father is missing and while I cannot sympathize with her I understand others do have strong ties to their families. I don't know if we will see her again but I pray she finds her dad safe. Dr. Lord made Miyet a nemean before sending them both on their way.
When everyone cleared out I stayed to talk with Dr. Lord. He looked so drained I asked if he was ok to which he replied (and I quote) "I was better when I didn't see you nearly dead," Dr. Lord says, "You said you see me as family, something no one outside my Band has ever done, then you nearly die. I can take a beating, no matter who it's from." I was shocked. I didn't have an answer to that. No one cared the last time I nearly died (except Tez but then he had his own reasons for that.) he told me then that Tez did answer my prayer and I would likely regret it later but to be honest it was worth it. No matter the cost being sure Dr. Lord was safe was worth it. At this point I needed to change the subject before things got too uncomfortable and informed him that even though he wanted me to think more on it, I was sure I wanted to meet my nargual. The idea that there is a part of me I do not know is a little infuriating. So tomorrow he will do the ceremony for me, and told me to bring my friends as it can be educational. I told him to say hi to Catherine for me (his fiance) and was about to leave when he actually called me by my first name...got myself some family it seems.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Well this is interesting...
SO we got back and Dave brought me to my room, I know cause I woke up in his arms as he was placing me on my bed. Since I woke up he offered to make me a sure fire hangover cure breakfast so I accepted and went to take a shower. When I got out it occured to me he's not off limits...I tried not to think about it though because he's hurting right now but it didn't stop me from slipping on one of my lingieries. Yeah I know I'm horrible but last night was hitting me too and I was in need of something to feel better, drugs not being an option since we had training that afternoon.
Out I went and sat on the counter. He asked about my past and what happened so i figured I'd tell him. After all Jahi and Alex know about everything but my habit and preferences and Sean knows all of it. It's not like I'm trying to hide it from anyone. We ate the breakfast which was surprisingly good and were flirting a bit and he leaned in and kissed me.
No given my state of mind I was in no mood to tell him no and it wasn't like Sean was around to help me out. I asked if he was sure, he knows I don't do relationships, and he said yes, so I told him we could go to my room since Sonia was gone.
Oh those sons of Thor have some NICE power. I mean Sean has skill and sensuality but sometimes a girl just needs a good rough dicking. I let him get out his frustrations for a bit before flipping him over and taking my turn. Mmmm....such a nice ride. The alarm went off at 1pm meaning we needed to get ready and he left with a goofy ass smile and no words (thank Fate cause I was not ready to talk about what just happened.)
I rushed a shower and got dressed and went to see Dr. Lord before tutoring (go figure all A's in school and my first tests with him are C+'s) to ask about Ix Chell. Being around her and him got me wondering about narguals.
Dr. Lord was in and rushing, but he did tell me about the nargual. Turns out they are literal extensions of our souls. They are the hidden part that even we are unaware of. He said he can retrieve mine for me and even knows what it is (though it sounds like not a jaguar) but he wants me to really think on if I want to confront this side of myself. I'm currently leaning toward yes because I don't like the idea of not knowing a part of me. But I admit I am scared a little to confront it. We'll see I guess. I need to think more and now I need to get off cause Dr. Lord just showed up.
Here's hoping his training doesn't kill me...
Out I went and sat on the counter. He asked about my past and what happened so i figured I'd tell him. After all Jahi and Alex know about everything but my habit and preferences and Sean knows all of it. It's not like I'm trying to hide it from anyone. We ate the breakfast which was surprisingly good and were flirting a bit and he leaned in and kissed me.
No given my state of mind I was in no mood to tell him no and it wasn't like Sean was around to help me out. I asked if he was sure, he knows I don't do relationships, and he said yes, so I told him we could go to my room since Sonia was gone.
Oh those sons of Thor have some NICE power. I mean Sean has skill and sensuality but sometimes a girl just needs a good rough dicking. I let him get out his frustrations for a bit before flipping him over and taking my turn. Mmmm....such a nice ride. The alarm went off at 1pm meaning we needed to get ready and he left with a goofy ass smile and no words (thank Fate cause I was not ready to talk about what just happened.)
I rushed a shower and got dressed and went to see Dr. Lord before tutoring (go figure all A's in school and my first tests with him are C+'s) to ask about Ix Chell. Being around her and him got me wondering about narguals.
Dr. Lord was in and rushing, but he did tell me about the nargual. Turns out they are literal extensions of our souls. They are the hidden part that even we are unaware of. He said he can retrieve mine for me and even knows what it is (though it sounds like not a jaguar) but he wants me to really think on if I want to confront this side of myself. I'm currently leaning toward yes because I don't like the idea of not knowing a part of me. But I admit I am scared a little to confront it. We'll see I guess. I need to think more and now I need to get off cause Dr. Lord just showed up.
Here's hoping his training doesn't kill me...
The second worst night clubbing I've ever had
Man I was so excited to be going to the city for some club time. I mean I know it's an 8 hour drive but to me it is worth it. NYC clubs have been home for me, for almost 3 years now. Liam, Sean, Dave, and Becca ended up going with me so it promised to be pretty fun.
But as usual nothing can ever be so easy. I had called ahead to be sure we got a VIP room and when we got there was told it wasn't ready. Fine, whatever I had some dacing to do. Liam got out there and was busting a move and I have to say the boy can groove. If he weren't so damn uptight he would be worth chasing after. Dave went to take care of drinks, Sean went to find him self a piece of ass (I assume) and Becca and I went to dance.
Turns out Becca had YET to tell Dave so I said "Let me go make out with some girl then YOU can go talk to him about it. She agreed and went to find Dave. I found this totally hot blond with a nice rack and had almost forgotten about WHY I was with her when I got a tap on the shoulder from Dave. He couldn't find Becca. So I looked around and there she was at the bar, making out with a girl. Dave just kind of stood there in shock. It would have been funny if it weren't sad. We made our way over there and Becca went off about how Dave was dense and she liked him but he never saw it or picked up on it, and she couldn't wait forever. This was where my night took a dive.
I went to check on the room only to find it was set up wrong and when I got back down and looked at the door I saw my brother walking in with his girlfriend. He has that same cold look my father does but all I could do was stand there in shock. He walked over and had me introduse him and told me his girlfriend was his fiance (no doubt at father's order.) He was about to leave and I could myself starting to relax when he called me the worse thing in the world...babykiller.
On some level I know it isn't true. That what happened was not my fault and I had no control of what occured, but it still hits deep. He could not have hurt me worse if he had killed Tepini. So I did the only rational thing I could do. I fled. I got the fuck out of there and found James (thank Fate he was in the club tonight) my old dealer. James had some of my old favorite and without even thinking I sat down, grabbed a tube and snorted two lines. Yes I know, not my smartest move but at that point in time all I could think about was killing myself so instead I went and found some fun. I was just snorting the third when Dave plopped down a wad of cash and asked for two lines. I have to say it almost shocked me out of my oncoming high. He paid, James handed him a tube and he took two lines.
Now my high was hitting so I'm a bit fuzzy after that but I think Dave took 5 of my E pills and downed a LOT of alcohol before stumbling outside after Liam came over. I handed him the slip for the keys so I didn't try to drive (YAY me!) and he went to find Becca. I found Sean and danced a bit (though let face it, it was more like dry humping him on the dance floor) and then Liam came to get us. We piled into the car and I think I fell asleep on Dave...slept the whole way home though.
Huh...home...when did I start thinking of Harmon as home?
But as usual nothing can ever be so easy. I had called ahead to be sure we got a VIP room and when we got there was told it wasn't ready. Fine, whatever I had some dacing to do. Liam got out there and was busting a move and I have to say the boy can groove. If he weren't so damn uptight he would be worth chasing after. Dave went to take care of drinks, Sean went to find him self a piece of ass (I assume) and Becca and I went to dance.
Turns out Becca had YET to tell Dave so I said "Let me go make out with some girl then YOU can go talk to him about it. She agreed and went to find Dave. I found this totally hot blond with a nice rack and had almost forgotten about WHY I was with her when I got a tap on the shoulder from Dave. He couldn't find Becca. So I looked around and there she was at the bar, making out with a girl. Dave just kind of stood there in shock. It would have been funny if it weren't sad. We made our way over there and Becca went off about how Dave was dense and she liked him but he never saw it or picked up on it, and she couldn't wait forever. This was where my night took a dive.
I went to check on the room only to find it was set up wrong and when I got back down and looked at the door I saw my brother walking in with his girlfriend. He has that same cold look my father does but all I could do was stand there in shock. He walked over and had me introduse him and told me his girlfriend was his fiance (no doubt at father's order.) He was about to leave and I could myself starting to relax when he called me the worse thing in the world...babykiller.
On some level I know it isn't true. That what happened was not my fault and I had no control of what occured, but it still hits deep. He could not have hurt me worse if he had killed Tepini. So I did the only rational thing I could do. I fled. I got the fuck out of there and found James (thank Fate he was in the club tonight) my old dealer. James had some of my old favorite and without even thinking I sat down, grabbed a tube and snorted two lines. Yes I know, not my smartest move but at that point in time all I could think about was killing myself so instead I went and found some fun. I was just snorting the third when Dave plopped down a wad of cash and asked for two lines. I have to say it almost shocked me out of my oncoming high. He paid, James handed him a tube and he took two lines.
Now my high was hitting so I'm a bit fuzzy after that but I think Dave took 5 of my E pills and downed a LOT of alcohol before stumbling outside after Liam came over. I handed him the slip for the keys so I didn't try to drive (YAY me!) and he went to find Becca. I found Sean and danced a bit (though let face it, it was more like dry humping him on the dance floor) and then Liam came to get us. We piled into the car and I think I fell asleep on Dave...slept the whole way home though.
Huh...home...when did I start thinking of Harmon as home?
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Dr. Lord and a new car.
Dr. Lord seems to think his "egg donor" would be a good big sister for me. He gave me her email address, that she gave him, and told me she'd like to hear from me. Not sure how I feel about all of this so for now I will just wait it out.
Since a group of use are going to the city I figured I should go get an SUV since my Jag only rides two. Dave and I went in to Urich and down to the dealer with plans to meet his mate, Becca for lunch. Had a good talk with Dave, told him about my family a little and what not. Thankfully didn't get any of the fake "I'm sorry"'s out him either. Got my ride with minimal fuss but I still don't like HAVING to get the luxury shit. Why I can't just have a nice Wrangler like I want I don't know. Found his mate at the pub and invited her to go so now we are getting ready in my room. Turns out she is into girls too but seeing as she likes Dave and he likes her, I told her I would back off both of them (though OMG it is so hard.) Also told her if she doesn't tell him I will so we'll see how this goes...
Since a group of use are going to the city I figured I should go get an SUV since my Jag only rides two. Dave and I went in to Urich and down to the dealer with plans to meet his mate, Becca for lunch. Had a good talk with Dave, told him about my family a little and what not. Thankfully didn't get any of the fake "I'm sorry"'s out him either. Got my ride with minimal fuss but I still don't like HAVING to get the luxury shit. Why I can't just have a nice Wrangler like I want I don't know. Found his mate at the pub and invited her to go so now we are getting ready in my room. Turns out she is into girls too but seeing as she likes Dave and he likes her, I told her I would back off both of them (though OMG it is so hard.) Also told her if she doesn't tell him I will so we'll see how this goes...
Monday, January 3, 2011
The egg assignment again...with a twist.
So in bio lab today Dr. Lord and his fiance Catherine taught us a little about illusions. They had us spotting the differences between him and Catherine looking like him. Thing is Ix Chel is the biggest give away. Oh well. He then gave us another test....C+ again. Saturday he is holding tutoring, which sucks ass cause it is right in the middle of my Akido.
Oh and we have a new assignment (besides staying the fuck out of whatever is going on with that gem.) We have to hatch Griffin rggs and get them to imprint on us (and I bet raise them too.) This makes me very uncomfortable to say the least. I mean anything that has to to do with babies and raising just strikes to close to home ya know?
Anyway, I need to go talk to Dr. Lord about this family mess. I am such a screwed up person I am considering a relationship with a woman I had to force to help her own son.
Oh and we have a new assignment (besides staying the fuck out of whatever is going on with that gem.) We have to hatch Griffin rggs and get them to imprint on us (and I bet raise them too.) This makes me very uncomfortable to say the least. I mean anything that has to to do with babies and raising just strikes to close to home ya know?
Anyway, I need to go talk to Dr. Lord about this family mess. I am such a screwed up person I am considering a relationship with a woman I had to force to help her own son.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Up and down Down DOWN
Fuck my family.
So my father shows up, thanks me for the heart (bear hearts especially make him happy), tells me I'm doing well and if I want my special armor then he has a job for me first. Two of our scions were sent here with a job to do and instead had been clubbing. Father thought the outcome of their shirking their duties would be fatal so I was to go make them promise to do their job.
I was given a mirror that would help enforce the promise and told how to work it. Then I was to bring them to the White Jaguar. He said if I had them and the mirror my car's GPS would take us there. On top of it I had to be sneaky. One hint of what was going on could apparently make things turn violent.
So I went home and changed and headed for the clubs. Paradise Found was packed so I figured I'd head there. I went to the bar to grab some water and scanned the crowd...it didn't take long to spot him. He was sitting on a couch surrounded by girls and on his shoulder was a parrot that no one seemed to see.
I decided to dance near by and grab his attention that way and it worked...though not in the way I figured. A guy came to dance with me and was about to grab my ass when the man on the couch appeared and lifted the man up demanding an apology. Ah knights and their armor...
So anyway, he introduces himself as Emile and I took a quick sniff to be sure he was my target. We chit chatted and went to the couch, he bought some drinks, and asked if he'd do me a favor. "For one as lovely as you? I am at your disposal." he replied. So I got my promise and told him to help the White Jaguar. Let me tell you he was PISSED. A braclet formed over his wrist and he let out an impressive string of curses. I got his cell and went to find the other scion while he continued to try to drown his new found troubles.
I headed out not seeing another here and went to Prey Lounge. I headed to the bar and ordered a water and this 9ft tall guy sits next to me. I sniffed and he smelled like rotten fish and I heard a faint hissing sound. He offered a drink so I told him anything with Tequila was fine. We flirted a bit till I heard a female voice tell me not to drink what I was given. Turns out Lopez is known for drugging and raping girls. At this he pulled a blade and lunged at her but a bounce was right there and punched him out.
The woman sniffed and realized who or at least what I was and got excited. I played dumb acting like I didn't yet know we could smell each other and we started talking. I decided it's best not to lie to much so I answered her truthfully. Turns out she is my sister. Tezcatlipoca is both of our father. She tells me he is easy on his daughters and not to push it too much. I got her to talk about family issues for an hour and eventually to promise if I ever needed help she'd do it.
Now let me tell you, this was hard for me. After coming from such an unloving and screwed up family I admit I was desperate for someone blood related to be able to connect with. I nearly didn't go through with it. I felt HORRIBLE about what I was doing to her.
As before she started swearing up a storm and all I could do was apologize to her. Given the look I got I could see she really was excited to have a sister too. But dad made sure girl time wasn't gonna happen this time because once we finished they were leaving the area.
So I called "Emile" and followed her out the back, not wanting to loose track of her, when Lopez attacked her...but he wasn't Lopez he turned into a giant cayman. She took care of him but he wasn't dead yet. She wanted to kill him but my freakshow told me not to let her so we piled him into my trunk and squeezed into my car and followed the directions into the woods.
We head to a cabin and knocked and I swear I have never had a bigger shock since I was 16...Dr. Lord answered the door. His fiance Catherine was with him, all bubbly and welcoming (which I like about her, I cannot wait to learn from her.) But when he sees what I brought there is a looooooooooong pause of nothing. Emile speaks, "Hello son." and it was all I could do to keep from fleeing right there. I had brought him his parents...people he obviously has a distaste for. Through the short conversation I heard apparently they named him and left him in a Brazillian orphanage. He no longer uses that name and I do not blame him.
Catherine led me to the kitchen and did one of those fake apologies I mentioned last entry. It's not like she is at fault for my dad making me do this. Dr. Lord had been asking the gods for healing and nothing was happening. So instead of taking 5 seconds to come do it themselves Tez and Quetz sent their kids to do it. And then sent me to make them do it.
After we heard a large thump Catherine excused herself and her cay and Ix Chel walked me out. The Cayman was no longer in my trunk and a suit of armor was on my passenger seat.
So yeah. Not sure what I think of my sister now. Not sure it's a good idea for me to get to know her and I am back to no family worth mentioning. Yay me. I'm going to go see if Sean is up cause I could do for some relaxation right about now.
Fuck family.
So my father shows up, thanks me for the heart (bear hearts especially make him happy), tells me I'm doing well and if I want my special armor then he has a job for me first. Two of our scions were sent here with a job to do and instead had been clubbing. Father thought the outcome of their shirking their duties would be fatal so I was to go make them promise to do their job.
I was given a mirror that would help enforce the promise and told how to work it. Then I was to bring them to the White Jaguar. He said if I had them and the mirror my car's GPS would take us there. On top of it I had to be sneaky. One hint of what was going on could apparently make things turn violent.
So I went home and changed and headed for the clubs. Paradise Found was packed so I figured I'd head there. I went to the bar to grab some water and scanned the crowd...it didn't take long to spot him. He was sitting on a couch surrounded by girls and on his shoulder was a parrot that no one seemed to see.
I decided to dance near by and grab his attention that way and it worked...though not in the way I figured. A guy came to dance with me and was about to grab my ass when the man on the couch appeared and lifted the man up demanding an apology. Ah knights and their armor...
So anyway, he introduces himself as Emile and I took a quick sniff to be sure he was my target. We chit chatted and went to the couch, he bought some drinks, and asked if he'd do me a favor. "For one as lovely as you? I am at your disposal." he replied. So I got my promise and told him to help the White Jaguar. Let me tell you he was PISSED. A braclet formed over his wrist and he let out an impressive string of curses. I got his cell and went to find the other scion while he continued to try to drown his new found troubles.
I headed out not seeing another here and went to Prey Lounge. I headed to the bar and ordered a water and this 9ft tall guy sits next to me. I sniffed and he smelled like rotten fish and I heard a faint hissing sound. He offered a drink so I told him anything with Tequila was fine. We flirted a bit till I heard a female voice tell me not to drink what I was given. Turns out Lopez is known for drugging and raping girls. At this he pulled a blade and lunged at her but a bounce was right there and punched him out.
The woman sniffed and realized who or at least what I was and got excited. I played dumb acting like I didn't yet know we could smell each other and we started talking. I decided it's best not to lie to much so I answered her truthfully. Turns out she is my sister. Tezcatlipoca is both of our father. She tells me he is easy on his daughters and not to push it too much. I got her to talk about family issues for an hour and eventually to promise if I ever needed help she'd do it.
Now let me tell you, this was hard for me. After coming from such an unloving and screwed up family I admit I was desperate for someone blood related to be able to connect with. I nearly didn't go through with it. I felt HORRIBLE about what I was doing to her.
As before she started swearing up a storm and all I could do was apologize to her. Given the look I got I could see she really was excited to have a sister too. But dad made sure girl time wasn't gonna happen this time because once we finished they were leaving the area.
So I called "Emile" and followed her out the back, not wanting to loose track of her, when Lopez attacked her...but he wasn't Lopez he turned into a giant cayman. She took care of him but he wasn't dead yet. She wanted to kill him but my freakshow told me not to let her so we piled him into my trunk and squeezed into my car and followed the directions into the woods.
We head to a cabin and knocked and I swear I have never had a bigger shock since I was 16...Dr. Lord answered the door. His fiance Catherine was with him, all bubbly and welcoming (which I like about her, I cannot wait to learn from her.) But when he sees what I brought there is a looooooooooong pause of nothing. Emile speaks, "Hello son." and it was all I could do to keep from fleeing right there. I had brought him his parents...people he obviously has a distaste for. Through the short conversation I heard apparently they named him and left him in a Brazillian orphanage. He no longer uses that name and I do not blame him.
Catherine led me to the kitchen and did one of those fake apologies I mentioned last entry. It's not like she is at fault for my dad making me do this. Dr. Lord had been asking the gods for healing and nothing was happening. So instead of taking 5 seconds to come do it themselves Tez and Quetz sent their kids to do it. And then sent me to make them do it.
After we heard a large thump Catherine excused herself and her cay and Ix Chel walked me out. The Cayman was no longer in my trunk and a suit of armor was on my passenger seat.
So yeah. Not sure what I think of my sister now. Not sure it's a good idea for me to get to know her and I am back to no family worth mentioning. Yay me. I'm going to go see if Sean is up cause I could do for some relaxation right about now.
Fuck family.
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